I remember the first time I went to this new hippy dippy, touchy feely, kind of therapist and I was telling her about a problem I was having and suddenly she said, stop I am going to teach you how to tap this out. I thought it was kinda nuts as she had me tapping on my clavicle, nose, temples, top of my head and a handful of other places; stating my problem and then saying, “I love and accept myself”. She had me do this several times, and after each round she would ask me what number my anxiety was on. To be honest the first few times I said numbers that were lower just because she seemed to be expecting it. Later however, I began to think about what I was saying. Was I really loving and accepting of the issues I was having or the characteristics that I was displaying. Did I love that I would react to big change by going into survival mode and kind of just making it through the day?
Secretly, I was wishing I reacted like I thought others were. They seemed to make it just fine. They were going to the gym or seeming to have better friendships and social lives than mine and I was kinda over myself. As I look back, I realized that I wasn’t loving or accepting of myself. I was being so mean. I was comparing myself to false impressions of other peoples lives that were not remotely based on facts, not really getting that no one has flawless relationships, they all have downsides. To be transparent with you, I am finally coming through another fog in my life (aka the last 3 months) I wanted to take a moment to share that I finally learned the point of that hippy dippy exercise and how to do it properly. I go into survival mode and my mind protects itself from potential deep depressions by getting me through the day, and protecting me until I am ready to get my full life going again and I love and appreciate myself. I feel that saying, I accept myself leaves you feeling like…eh I guess this is ok. I accept it. But at this moment I am feeling very appreciative. If you have ever experienced a deep depression, it is the worst thing in the world, the feeling of hopelessness, feeling inconsequential, and the absolute dread that can persist for months or years. I am so appreciative that the chemicals in my brain managed to get in line to help me through the insane roller coaster I was just on! What a ride! I am so excited to get back to the things I love and start pulling myself together. It is the best feeling. I appreciate it.
So when it comes to loving and appreciating yourself what can you do?
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Appreciate the process that you go through even if you don’t understand it at the time.
Take a moment to say things that you love about yourself, What has your body done for you today? What has your life afforded you? What have you experienced that brings you pure joy?
If you take the time to answer even one of these questions, I am sure you will feel more love and appreciation for yourself and if you can’t think of it for yourself, think of someone else you appreciate and ask them to answer one of these for you. That might help too.
Till next time,
xo Danie
i love this. 🙂
i always think that being an asian myself, living in asia, it’s somehow hard to love myself the way i am because society put a lot of pressure for people to be in a certain stage of ‘ideal’ for them. and this applies to almost everything.
but in this case, i think self-love is important, and i’m glad that i could embrace myself despite what society expects me to be. and i’m glad that you could make peace of yourself and love yourself the way you are too. it’s really empowering. thanks for sharing. 🙂
Author
Marya, I have always been intrigued by cultural things that impact women in Asia, it is interesting how similar it is to black women in America. I hope that all of us can spend more time loving ourselves instead of picking ourselves apart. We are more than enough! You are wonderful Marya.
You are such an inspiration! All girls should hear messages like this early on in life to learn their worth!
http://www.chausadventure.com
Author
You are so kind, I am happy to be figuring out some things. I am glad that I will have the blog so that if I ever slip into not loving myself I will draw some inspo from when I was in a better place 🙂
this is such great advice! I too try to remind myself whenever i’m feeling insecure of all the things I have to be grateful for & it puts everything right into perspective!
Author
That is great Hal. I have found it really helpful as well. Im so glad you liked the post!
Danie, this post made me smile. I am so happy that you are pulling through your depression. Depression is so darn hard. It takes time. It takes understanding, loving and appreciating yourself. Thank you for sharing this!
Author
Thanks for reading it Laurie 🙂 Depression is absolutely the worst, but sometimes it is so good to look at the good things our body’s and mind’s do for us and it really can make us so appreciative.
At this very moment I’m having a hard time on loving myself as my wisdom tooth is killing me and because I woke up at 4AM for work haha 😀 but in all seriousness I’ve been loving myself so much more after last summer. It’s nice to feel things change & that tapping thing sounds amazing, I’m going to try that out!
Author
Its cool you can find some guidance videos on Youtube. It helps me even now. Im sorry about that tooth doll, I hope it gets better soon
What a interesting therapist! I happy it worked out for you! If it works for you then it’s worth it!
Author
She definitely was interesting. There are so many types of therapists I love that I gave her a chance. Her advice worked even if it was years later.
Such a good reminder! So much of my anxiety stems from the thought that I’m not living up to expectations…but pretty much ALL of those expectations were set up by me, myself, and I. Taking a moment to remind myself that I accept where I’m at in the journey NOW can really have a powerful effect. This is beautiful advice. Also, glad to have you back in the blogosphere. I love reading your posts and your perspective!! <3
Author
Thanks so much lovely Beth. I really appreciate your kind words and support. I am so ready to get back to regular blog life again. I have missed it very much.
Very inspiring post! A whole lot of us face this situation of not able to accept ourselves completely. Self love is very important and I’m glad you are able to pull yourself through the hard times. I hope things get better for you with each passing day.
Author
Thanks Shaily I appreciate you taking time to read it. Yeah self love is so crucial. Things are improving each day I am so excited! <3
I feel like social media has made it so much harder to avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparisons are everywhere now! But you’re absolutely right; thanks for the great advice!
Author
That is so true. I have been working on taking a serious break from social media (which is sooo hard for bloggers). There are aspects of it that are so unhealthy. I am hoping that people will be able to remember that most of this is curated and not real life and feel a bit better 🙂