Yesterday (August 7th) a young woman held a press conference where she accused Usher of exposing her to herpes. Don’t worry this article isn’t about Usher and his herpalerps. This is about my reaction and the reactions of others after they saw her. This woman was plus sized. She was not the celebrated “thick” girl, she appeared to be very large. She appeared to have little to no makeup on and I KNEW as soon as I saw her, people were going to ridicule her. I was right. Soon after seeing this on Facebook, I saw videos of people laughing at her. I saw Tami Roman (Basketball Wives) make a Bonnet Chronicles video saying that this might have happened when she was 150 pounds. I even saw bloggers I like digging up pictures of this girl with makeup as if to say “see she could have possibly attracted Usher (and his herpalerps, oops sorry)”. Soon after I was so annoyed with this I could barely stand it. Please know, I could not care less about this girl and her attempt to be compensated publicly. I was annoyed because the world we live in has made it more than acceptable to give messages that any person that is not deemed physically attractive is not worthy of basic courtesy and compassion, nor are they attractive.
I have struggled with my weight since teenage years. I remember my first diet and I remember the first time I cried because I weighed so much more than my friends. In spite of the constant messages saying I should not be, I turned out to be a confident woman. I remember the first time I noticed the curve of my hips, or appreciated my shape. What messages am I talking about? Messages that a person who weighs less may have never noticed. When I get to a store and they don’t have clothes in my size, I get the message that I don’t matter enough to them to even take my money. I remember looking in Victoria’s Secret catalog as a 20 year old and looking at the measurements and altering my eating so I could buy a bra in their store. Victoria’s Secret is held as a beacon of American femininity and beauty. With all of the progress brands have made to offer fashion for larger sizes, they have not changed course. In fact, the largest bra they offer is a 40 band and the styles in that size are mostly dowdy at best. That is a message that even if you are this size, you are not even worthy of the same style we offer smaller customers. So I was hungry and wearing wack bras! Man NO!
I could go on and on with examples of how I had to carve out my own path to confidence, but I won’t bore you. I will say this, all women are beautiful. ALL. Whether you are happy with your weight as is or you want to lose some pounds or gain some you are worthy of respect and kindness. I will not tolerate taking in these messages on IG or in the media that fat on my body is somehow impeding your personal happiness.
The last thing the internet needs is another blog just pointing out what she wore. I started this blog to celebrate all kinds of women, represent me, and show other women that they can do or be anything they want just as they are…right this moment. I smile big and throw my hands up in photos because there is freedom in it. It is also a small form of rebellion against anyone that would say that I am not worthy. You are out of your mind. Do you see ALL OF THIS JOY!
I will not let you or anyone else mess with my brain. I am as attractive as any other woman. I am as worthy of kindness as any other woman. I struggle with confidence at times like any other woman. I will attract anyone I want, just like any other woman (and a few I don’t want lol). Don’t allow anyone to get in your head. I unfollowed a lot of those accounts I mentioned because I don’t welcome toxic messages on devices I have to pay for. I hope you do what you need to protect yourself. You are wonderful and gorgeous. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not worthy of your time.