What can you expect when going to therapy

I was recently talking with a girlfriend that was going to her first therapist session and she wondered what she could expect. I may have never shared it before but I was in therapy for 8 years. Of course this does not give me my doctorate in therapists, but I shared my experience with her and I thought this might be of help for you. I definitely look at therapy as a #majorkey in me maturing emotionally and in being more supportive of myself as always changing person. Have you ever wondered what happens in a therapists office, or what to expect when you go to a new therapist? What happens if your therapist is no longer helpful? Let’s talk about it…

I hate to say it but like most things in my life I thought therapy was like they show it on TV. I would lay on the therapists couch, spill my guts and they would sit next to the couch and write things on a notepad while I spoke (are they secretly making a grocery list?) and then they would cure me of my issues.

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Well therapy was not like that. First of all, there is a couch but I have a thing about rumps that are not mine and I can’t put my head on a couch where they have been. 2nd, therapy is more about the therapist giving you the tools to figure out how to navigate an issue, than them fixing anything for you. You will come in and maybe you have told them some issue you would like to work on and you discuss that for a few sessions or you may have some new issue that is pressing and you discuss that for a session. Therapy is really about you and where you are and where you would like to go. The therapist is kind of an advisor to help you work through getting there. Some things get settled quickly, some things never get settled and you just learn how to appreciate or accept them and work on moving on.

Going to a new therapist can actually be awkward. Here I am meeting someone I don’t really know and I am supposed to tell them my deepest secrets? I don’t know you man! I found myself nervous sometimes or even intimidated. One therapist I had asked a question and would stare at me for a while after I stopped speaking. I told her I was crazy uncomfortable and wanted to leave (needless to say that was a one time visit). You can liken your first session to a blind date. You will share little things and hopefully your therapist will share how they like to do things during their sessions. They may ask you questions that help you ease into a conversation. Some therapists offer up a little about themselves to help ease the new tensions. Give it time, like most things you won’t mesh overnight.

I learned from having a few therapists that they are not all the same. My first therapist was so elegant and reminded me of a southern woman like on Steel Magnolias with a strong accent and a very loving but no nonsense way about her. She was a great therapist and exactly what I needed at that time. My 2nd therapist was totally different. A total hippy (self-described) and into herbs, meditation, tapping (a way to lower anxiety by using your finger to tap on various pressure points on the body) and a huge fan of visualization techniques (Close your eyes, Danie…What colors do you see? Ummm Black? Not the color of your eyelids, the colors in your mind…Erm lol I don’t know). She was good for me at the time too. I say all this to say, there are many different types of people, so there will be different types of therapists and if you allow them to, you can learn from their techniques.

What happens if you and your therapist are not meshing? I did run into issues with a couple therapists, I always expressed my concerns, and sometimes those conversations did not lead to anything helpful, so I ended up leaving to find another therapist. I was able to get my therapists through my job, so I looked different therapists up online. If there was feedback about the therapist or the type of therapy they specialized in that I was interested in, I would contact them. Thankfully I only had to change one time, but keep in mind this is YOUR therapy, YOUR self-care and you deserve what works for you. Don’t give up, keep searching but keep an open mind because no one including therapists are perfect.

I have appreciated therapy in my life and if you want to go to therapy, I support you in your decision (this was the first therapy saying I ever learned, its my fave).

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I actually am thinking of going back to therapy to help navigate the newest chapter in my life. I know that therapy is not readily available for everyone due to cost but there are programs available for most income levels in the US if you are interested in finding a therapist of your own. I am hoping that this post helps you understand a little bit more of how therapy has worked for me and if you are not going, maybe you can support someone who is! If you have any other insights, please share them in the comments, they might help us all!

xo, Danie