Yesterday (August 7th) a young woman held a press conference where she accused Usher of exposing her to herpes. Don’t worry this article isn’t about Usher and his herpalerps. This is about my reaction and the reactions of others after they saw her. This woman was plus sized. She was not the celebrated “thick” girl, she appeared to be very large. She appeared to have little to no makeup on and I KNEW as soon as I saw her, people were going to ridicule her. I was right. Soon after seeing this on Facebook, I saw videos of people laughing at her. I saw Tami Roman (Basketball Wives) make a Bonnet Chronicles video saying that this might have happened when she was 150 pounds. I even saw bloggers I like digging up pictures of this girl with makeup as if to say “see she could have possibly attracted Usher (and his herpalerps, oops sorry)”. Soon after I was so annoyed with this I could barely stand it. Please know, I could not care less about this girl and her attempt to be compensated publicly. I was annoyed because the world we live in has made it more than acceptable to give messages that any person that is not deemed physically attractive is not worthy of basic courtesy and compassion, nor are they attractive.
I have struggled with my weight since teenage years. I remember my first diet and I remember the first time I cried because I weighed so much more than my friends. In spite of the constant messages saying I should not be, I turned out to be a confident woman. I remember the first time I noticed the curve of my hips, or appreciated my shape. What messages am I talking about? Messages that a person who weighs less may have never noticed. When I get to a store and they don’t have clothes in my size, I get the message that I don’t matter enough to them to even take my money. I remember looking in Victoria’s Secret catalog as a 20 year old and looking at the measurements and altering my eating so I could buy a bra in their store. Victoria’s Secret is held as a beacon of American femininity and beauty. With all of the progress brands have made to offer fashion for larger sizes, they have not changed course. In fact, the largest bra they offer is a 40 band and the styles in that size are mostly dowdy at best. That is a message that even if you are this size, you are not even worthy of the same style we offer smaller customers. So I was hungry and wearing wack bras! Man NO!
I could go on and on with examples of how I had to carve out my own path to confidence, but I won’t bore you. I will say this, all women are beautiful. ALL. Whether you are happy with your weight as is or you want to lose some pounds or gain some you are worthy of respect and kindness. I will not tolerate taking in these messages on IG or in the media that fat on my body is somehow impeding your personal happiness.
The last thing the internet needs is another blog just pointing out what she wore. I started this blog to celebrate all kinds of women, represent me, and show other women that they can do or be anything they want just as they are…right this moment. I smile big and throw my hands up in photos because there is freedom in it. It is also a small form of rebellion against anyone that would say that I am not worthy. You are out of your mind. Do you see ALL OF THIS JOY!
I will not let you or anyone else mess with my brain. I am as attractive as any other woman. I am as worthy of kindness as any other woman. I struggle with confidence at times like any other woman. I will attract anyone I want, just like any other woman (and a few I don’t want lol). Don’t allow anyone to get in your head. I unfollowed a lot of those accounts I mentioned because I don’t welcome toxic messages on devices I have to pay for. I hope you do what you need to protect yourself. You are wonderful and gorgeous. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not worthy of your time.
xo Danie
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This was an amazing post and straight from the heart. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this 🙂
You keep doing you girl. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Ive seen too much hate lately. Especially a**holes hiding behind their computer screens saying disgustingly rude things. I’m so beyond done with cyber bullying I can’t even put it into words! I’m so glad to see your positivity and for you sticking up for that young lady! Thanks for your kindness.
XO
Thank you so much for this inspiring post, definitely held words I needed to hear. It’s frustrating going clothes shopping and they don’t have your sizing. I’ve reached a point where I hate shopping because I know they won’t have my sizes, or styles that flatter my figure. Again, thank you for sharing these words, they’ll mean a lot to many women x
Author
Justine, I am so sick of it and I am sick of the media perpetrating more and more negative thinking. I actually just had to write another post about it after I saw a comment on Bill Maher’s show last week and I saw some subtle messages I missed in a fave movie of mine. I will no longer sit in pained silence. Enough! All women should feel fabulous and confident no matter their size! No more of this nonsense. We are all wonderful and beautiful and we must feel it deep in our heart which will take work for all of us.Im glad you liked this post. I can’t wait till we no longer have to write them.
Loved this post! Having been someone in the past who was always thin to now being 75 pounds heavier, I feel the difference in general attitudes towards me every day. Thanks for writing this!
Author
Justine, I am shocked at how people act. I went out with some friends who were bigger in a restaurant and ppl were sniggling from another table and talking about us. I couldn’t believe it. I said something then and I am saying something now. It’s nuts that it is acceptable to treat people so poorly. I want to encourage women to love themselves so much they can’t hear this nonsense from the outside. That internal positivity will be so loud it drowns each drop of it out until it is no more.
Very real ! This was amazing, Thank You !
I love your honesty and real talk here. It’s hard sometimes to talk about the things we struggle with, but you are so courageous and brave, I respect you for that. You are worthy of being loved, of being respect. and you are beautiful. 🙂
Lots of love,
Zana
Author
Thanks so much Zana I appreciate your thoughtful comment. Yup everyone is worthy of love and respect. I can’t wait till everyone thinks like we do Zana 🙂
Of course you are attractive! I think everyone is, because we are all created equal.
I think all women are deserving of respect and that whether they are considered beautiful or not should not be a function of their looks. True beauty is found within. And the heart is where a person’s beauty truly shines.
Author
You are so very right! Thanks for taking the time to comment. I truly appreciate it.
I hadn’t even heard about this whole Usher affair…! Show’s how much I notice celebrity gossip! Remember you are beautiful inside and out – always.
Much love, Caitylis x x
http://www.caitylis.co.uk